[We'd have lost the war then, Huaisang says, and this time when Wei Wuxian laughs it is a wet choking sound. He doesn't abandon himself to the grief that tries to drag him under, but it escapes just for one moment in that sound. It's a relief, he thinks, to finally be acknowledged. To know that someone understands that all of his sacrifices were worth it at least for one bright and shining moment. That he did what he was supposed to do with it.

He doesn't ask how Huaisang knows about that sacrifice. They'll get there, he's sure.

After another moment of silence, he continues.]

Even with the orb's power, I couldn't find a way to save everyone. There is no one moment that exists to set everything right.

But I thought there was one moment that was...the closest. The best I could do.

I thought, if I just let Jin Zixuan's cousin kill me that day at Qiongqi Pass and his stupid curse didn't vanish...even if he found another reason to blame me, Jin Zixuan would live. There would be no battle at Nightless city. Shijie would be safe. My brother would only hate me as much as he did at that time and not the way he did at the end.

And if I was very lucky, Lan Zhan could make it to the Dafan Wen before the rest. [It guaranteed Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli's lives if nothing else, or at least he'd believed as much. The Dafan Wen were not guaranteed but it was the best he could do.

And he hadn't known then that a-Yuan survived, because if he had, his best wouldn't have been enough. He never would have risked a-Yuan.]

I gave it up months ago. That's a good thing of course, as I'm sure you understand as I do now. It wouldn't have worked. I didn't know that it was never going to work.

I didn't know anything.